Hurry boy. Mama won’t be here much longer. These words echoed in my ears as I plowed through the deep snow. I was running out of breath but kept going because I knew I couldn’t go back until I had gotten Mama’s gift. Hurry boy. Mama won’t be here much longer. I stumbled over my feet realizing I had just lost all feeling in my lower legs. I scanned the town looking for the store, hoping I was near. When my eyes laid upon the store, my heart leapt with joy. I had always wanted to get these from mama but I never had enough money to buy them. I ran as fast as my feet could take me into the store. Finally. Mama will get her wish but I have to hurry. I head straight for the shoe section and began my hunt for the perfect pair of shoes. Mama had always talked about the shoes. They were red, with a little ribbon around the edges and a bow in the front. I have always wanted to get these for mama but my family never have enough money to afford the shoes. But I have been saving up for a few years and this year I was almost positive I could get the shoes. I had almost given up hope when a glimmer of red caught my eye. I darted over to the shoes and almost let out a cry of happiness. There was one pair left and that pair on the size 7. Mama was a size 7 and in that moment I could tell this was a miracle of God. I grabbed the shoes and worked my way over to the cashier. There was only one lady ahead of me but she seemed to take ages. I started pacing back-and-forth letting the Christmas music take over my mind.
"Next!" I heard the man say. He looked at me. "Are you here alone boy? And what in the world are you wearing? It is freezing outside." I looked down at my clothes. They were dirty and there were a few holes. I also didn't have a jacket or very sturdy shoes but we could never afford any of these things to buy every year. I didn't answer his questions though. I simply said,
"Sir I want to buy these shoes, for my mama please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir? Daddy says there's not much time. You see, she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes will make her smile. I want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus, tonight." He stared at me with a look of pity and was like that for a minute or two before he started scanning the box.
"Your total is $37.89" I felt my eyes grow big--I only had $20 but I counted it all out to make sure. I gave it to the cashier and after eternity of counting he looked up and said, "Son, there's not enough here." No! No, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Not now. Not for Mama. "Are you sure you don't have anymore money?"
"No,I was just joking. I actually have $100 hidden in my pockets." I knew I sounded awful but I couldn't help it. "Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you but I just really have to get these shoes.
I turned around to the man standing behind me in line and said, "Mama made Christmas good at our house though most years she did without. Tell me sir, what am I going to do? Some how I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes." And then to my surprise, the man, the stranger of whom I just asked advice from, pulled out his wallet and laid down the rest of the money. I started crying but gave him the biggest grin and whispered, "Mama's gonna look so great." With that I turned around, thanked the man and ran out of the store with the shoes. I was so happy that I had gotten Mama her shoes, I had lost track of time. When I walked into the hospital I noticed I had been gone for 3 hours. Mama! No! I sprinted up to her room and burst through the door. Daddy was sitting next to Mama crying. I slowly walked over to Daddy and put my arm on his shoulder. Mama? He gave me a look. As I began to put Mama's shoes on her feet I let the first tear fall down my cheek and let it land on my hands. I took a step back and looked at her. She looked so beautiful. "Merry Christmas Mama. I love you and I want you to know that you are going to be the most beautiful angel in Heaven."
I want her to look beautiful, if Mama meets Jesus tonight.
~A.K.A. taytay
~A.K.A. taytay
I really liked this story, it made me really sad for the poor boy. Where is the setting of this story at? I really liked how the cashier was kind enough to give the boy the rest of the money for the shoes. Why did his mother have to die at that moment? why couldn't she live until after she saw the shoes? I really liked the line in the story " I want her to look beautiful, if Mama meets Jesus tonight." That line right there just warmed my heart. One suggestion I would make though is that his mother didn't die at all.
ReplyDeleteThis story was written very well. I can tell that the idea of the story came from the 'Christmas Shoes' song/movie! I liked how you chose to make the conflict about the boy vs. not having enough money. I also like the rising action towards the beginning when the boy is walking in the snow and thinking about how the time is running out. One question I have is how long his mother has been sick/what kind of sickness does she have? Also, what kind of personality does the boy have? One suggestion I have though is that you give more description about the setting/characters whether it be physical or emotional. Great story!
ReplyDeleteThis story was fantastic. You added so much imagery to the story that i feel like i'm in the story with him. I love how you can take such a simple story line and make it a powerful and touching story. My favorite part is when the clerk pulls out his wallet and helps the boy by the shoes. The end of the story is very satisfying and warms my heart. I can see that the conflict is clear also.
ReplyDeleteI loved your story Taylor it made me think of the song christmas shoes which I think really helped your story with imagery cuz I would keep thinking of the music video the only thing I would add is describing the characters a bit more but I loved everything eless:)
ReplyDeleteThis was a really touching story. I love how you take a common story line and really add on to it to make it really creative and interesting. I also like how you told it from the little boy's point of view because it makes it so much more innocent. I also thought your ending was the perfect interpretation how a little boy would react to his mother's death. One question I have is where exactly is the setting? Also, what is the boy's mom sick with? A suggestion I have is finding a way to incorporate more details about the family background and some more general information them. Overall, it was a really well done story though!
ReplyDeleteTaylor, I love your story! One thing I liked was that when he didn't explain why he was running, his thoughts confirmed it. Also I liked how you knew what he was thinking the whole time. Lastly, I liked how there was a little conflict throughout the story and not everything ran smoothly. One question I have is what exactly is wrong with the mom? Also why did it take him 3 hours to get the shoes? One suggestion I have is to use imagery a little more but other thank that I really like your story taylor! Well done!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a very planned good story! I also liked how you had the character really need to complete the objective they were given as well.as it added a tension to the story. I thought it very different in as in plot too, so extra points for that. I think the story could have used a bit more imagery.... and the other thing I'd have to say is it was a bit hard to read with the font. But other than that very good story!
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